okaaaay kali ini bahas tentang dosen pembimbing...
kenapa?
dosen pembimbing gue soalnya "asik" banget buat dijadiin bahasan :"
asik?
wkwkwkw mau nangis iya, mau ketawa juga iya :")
entah sekjur yang salah kasih dospem apa gimana.......
gue kan jurusan pajak, bahasan skripsi gue juga tentang pajak.. tapi........
kenapa gue dapet dospem yang ngajarnya mata kuliah audit semua..
gak nyambung fix! :"
sedangkan temen-temen gue dapet dospem yang sesuai bahasan skripsi mereka.
apes banget gue apeeees :')
setiap nanya tentang pajak yang sesuai sama bahasan skripsi gue ke dospem, jawabannya cuma......
"baca buku ya nak.."
Paaaaak, paaaaak! gunanya Bapak apa dong pak kalo jawabannya cuma suruh saya baca buku :")
iya sih emang bener baca buku, udah baca deh bener suer tapi kan butuh penjelasan juga paaak..
sedih saya Pak, serius sedih..
yang lebih ngeselin sih gini, belom tuh dosen baca bab 1-3 udah disuruh lanjut bab 4..
Paaak canggih banget pak otak saya, gak perlu revisi lagi nih bab 1-3?
ada sih revisi tapi cuma format yang gak bener, ya masa isinya gak dibaca... kan yang penting isinya pak.. -_-
okelah! akhirnya sekarang gue lagi bener-bener bikin bab 1-4 tanpa masukan saran dospem gue
sedih gak tuh? sementara temen-temen gue selalu dapet pendapat sama saran dari dospem mereka.....
nasib gue dapet dospem begini amat :")
Sabtu, 04 April 2015
Sabtu, 12 Juli 2014
No Choice
Delete his number.
Stop ringing him. Stop messaging him.
Stop making excuses to see him, to drop by his place.
Erase his name from memory.
Remove yourself from his life, more completely than you would like but as completely as he deserves.
Move on, so that you can allow him to also move on.
When you close your eyes, you don't get to see his face, not anymore.
You don't get to think about his lips, the warm glow of his skin when he rests next to you, or how he squeezes your hand in his sleep.
You're not allowed to remember the smell of his or that he loves you.
He loves you.
He has been in love with you for too long.
So, forget how he says your name.
Forget how he calls your name.
Forget how he screams your name.
Forget that time you get sick and he stayed up with you.
Forget how his hair feels in your fingers.
Forget how he looks in your sweatshirts.
Forget him.
Know only that he existed at one point your life, but relinquish all hope that he could exist at another point.
Sometime in the future that you are unwilling to specify because you don't know what you want, yet.
It is not fair for you to swoop in and out of his life as you choose.
It is not fair for you to say that you are satisfied with "things as they are"
and you will have time to "figure it out" later.
Let him stop investing emotionally in you.
Let him pour that love and care into the people who deserve him.
Don't tell him that you think about him all the time.
Don't tell him that it bothers you to hear about him with other people, but that you're willing to understand ad along as he likes you more than them.
Don't tell him that this isn't the right moment, but that there will be a right moment.
There is not going to be a right moment.
He shouldn't have to wait for the right moment.
Don't tell him that you can't handle ultimatums, that you don't like the idea of finally adding finalty to your relationship.
What you are telling him is that you want to keep him on as an option, that you're taking him for granted,
that you want to know he will be there, that you can depend on him at the end of the day.
When you find that no one else has stuck around or that those who have are less interesting, less thoughtful, or less doggedly loyal to you.
Doggedly loyal to you.
That is what he has been to you, for you almost as long as you have known him
a constant emotional crutch, the guarantee of stability, a safety net while you reach out to grasp objects that sparkle and shine far greater than he does.
All that glitters is not gold, haven't you heard?
He is fire.
You are ice, and you are afraid that him slow burn will smolder your cool, hard demeanor.
That's what has driven your decision, your actions all along: fear.
You are coward.
You are terrified to let him go, but you are afraid he is too good for you, that he could drive you wild,
That you would choke on him flames.
That he is too much for you to handle right now.
Right now
But if you choose not to forget him,
You can't choose to love him now.
Stop ringing him. Stop messaging him.
Stop making excuses to see him, to drop by his place.
Erase his name from memory.
Remove yourself from his life, more completely than you would like but as completely as he deserves.
Move on, so that you can allow him to also move on.
When you close your eyes, you don't get to see his face, not anymore.
You don't get to think about his lips, the warm glow of his skin when he rests next to you, or how he squeezes your hand in his sleep.
You're not allowed to remember the smell of his or that he loves you.
He loves you.
He has been in love with you for too long.
So, forget how he says your name.
Forget how he calls your name.
Forget how he screams your name.
Forget that time you get sick and he stayed up with you.
Forget how his hair feels in your fingers.
Forget how he looks in your sweatshirts.
Forget him.
Know only that he existed at one point your life, but relinquish all hope that he could exist at another point.
Sometime in the future that you are unwilling to specify because you don't know what you want, yet.
It is not fair for you to swoop in and out of his life as you choose.
It is not fair for you to say that you are satisfied with "things as they are"
and you will have time to "figure it out" later.
Let him stop investing emotionally in you.
Let him pour that love and care into the people who deserve him.
Don't tell him that you think about him all the time.
Don't tell him that it bothers you to hear about him with other people, but that you're willing to understand ad along as he likes you more than them.
Don't tell him that this isn't the right moment, but that there will be a right moment.
There is not going to be a right moment.
He shouldn't have to wait for the right moment.
Don't tell him that you can't handle ultimatums, that you don't like the idea of finally adding finalty to your relationship.
What you are telling him is that you want to keep him on as an option, that you're taking him for granted,
that you want to know he will be there, that you can depend on him at the end of the day.
When you find that no one else has stuck around or that those who have are less interesting, less thoughtful, or less doggedly loyal to you.
Doggedly loyal to you.
That is what he has been to you, for you almost as long as you have known him
a constant emotional crutch, the guarantee of stability, a safety net while you reach out to grasp objects that sparkle and shine far greater than he does.
All that glitters is not gold, haven't you heard?
He is fire.
You are ice, and you are afraid that him slow burn will smolder your cool, hard demeanor.
That's what has driven your decision, your actions all along: fear.
You are coward.
You are terrified to let him go, but you are afraid he is too good for you, that he could drive you wild,
That you would choke on him flames.
That he is too much for you to handle right now.
Right now
But if you choose not to forget him,
You can't choose to love him now.
Rabu, 02 Juli 2014
Scared
Sometimes being alone is exactly what I don't need.
Sometimes I need someone who will stay even after I call them the most horrible names I can think of.
Who will hold me and won't let go even after I beg them to.
Because when I'm alone the dark thoughts in my mind are the strongest.
They remind me of all the stupid mistakes I've made.
They remind me that my whole existence is pointless.
That is when I need you most.
That is when I need you to tell me that everything will okay and that what's pointless is thinking about that past.
I need you.
I know I don't tell you enough, but I do.
But what I'm scared of most is that you don't need me.
I'm scared to love.
I'm scared of being too dependent.
I'm scared that you'll be just like the rest.
I need stop thinking.
Jumat, 27 Juni 2014
"are you happy?"
"are you happy?" is such a difficult question
I always say yes, because i have friends
I laugh at jokes, I go out a lot and have fun
my life isn't as bad as it could be, and I don't have terrible problems
it could be worse.
but the, one night at 3AM when I'm alone
still awake, lying in bed, thinking about life
I find myself crying my heart out
suddenly I convince that nobody like me, or nobody will ever like me.
I feel horrible
and I question everything I had
and I don't know if I was ever happy at all.
I always say yes, because i have friends
I laugh at jokes, I go out a lot and have fun
my life isn't as bad as it could be, and I don't have terrible problems
it could be worse.
but the, one night at 3AM when I'm alone
still awake, lying in bed, thinking about life
I find myself crying my heart out
suddenly I convince that nobody like me, or nobody will ever like me.
I feel horrible
and I question everything I had
and I don't know if I was ever happy at all.
Minggu, 08 Juni 2014
Her
One day you're going to see her holding hands with someone who took your chance.
She won't even notice you because she's too busy laughing with the stupid jokes he makes,
and it will burn your heart seeing that beautiful smile on her face and realizing that you're not the reason anymore, and then it will finally hit you: it was her, it was always her.
She won't even notice you because she's too busy laughing with the stupid jokes he makes,
and it will burn your heart seeing that beautiful smile on her face and realizing that you're not the reason anymore, and then it will finally hit you: it was her, it was always her.
~probably will happen~
Minggu, 01 Juni 2014
Mematahkan Rasa
Hari itu..
Dimana masih ada kata "kita"
Dimana semua berjalan sesuai rencana
Dimana kita berusaha untuk menjadi penting satu sama lain
Tapi..
Hari ini
Dimana tidak ada lagi kata "kita"
Dimana semua rencana hanya sebuah rencana
Dimana tidak ada lagi usaha untuk menjadi penting satu sama lain
Apa anda berpikiran yang sama?
Kini saya mencoba mematahkan rasa
Tapi,
Mengapa matamu seolah berkata "tunggulah sejenak.."?
Apa itu yang harus saya lakukan?
Apa saya termasuk orang yang bodoh akan masalah perasaan?
Isi pikiran saya hanya habiskan waktu untuk menunggu anda
Terlihat bodohkah?
Apa mungkin saya bisa mematahkan rasa, sementara hati ini enggan untuk mematahkan rasa
sudah banyak cara yang saya lakukan
tidakkah anda tau?
Sejauh ini saya belum menyerah
What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?
Apa mungkin saya mematahkan rasa ini?
Dimana masih ada kata "kita"
Dimana semua berjalan sesuai rencana
Dimana kita berusaha untuk menjadi penting satu sama lain
Tapi..
Hari ini
Dimana tidak ada lagi kata "kita"
Dimana semua rencana hanya sebuah rencana
Dimana tidak ada lagi usaha untuk menjadi penting satu sama lain
Apa anda berpikiran yang sama?
Kini saya mencoba mematahkan rasa
Tapi,
Mengapa matamu seolah berkata "tunggulah sejenak.."?
Apa itu yang harus saya lakukan?
Apa saya termasuk orang yang bodoh akan masalah perasaan?
Isi pikiran saya hanya habiskan waktu untuk menunggu anda
Terlihat bodohkah?
Apa mungkin saya bisa mematahkan rasa, sementara hati ini enggan untuk mematahkan rasa
sudah banyak cara yang saya lakukan
tidakkah anda tau?
Sejauh ini saya belum menyerah
What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?
Apa mungkin saya mematahkan rasa ini?
Sabtu, 25 Agustus 2012
If you are going to fall in love with me, it's only fair that you know what you are falling in love with.
You are falling in love with my insecurities and my obsession with trying to figure out what everyone thinks of me. You are falling in love with my immaturity, my constant need to feel loved and appreciated, my overactive tear ducts, my internet obsession, my tendency to be too clingy. You are fall in love with my troubled past and my hopes and dreams, and how i'm hopeless romantic at heart. If you fall in love with me, you fall in love with my self-hate and all my imperfections and my perception that nobody could ever love me.
But you are also falling in love with the way my eyes will smile when i'm with you, the way i'll text you in the mornings just telling you i hope you have a great day. You are falling in love with the occasionally humorous and/or thought-provoking things i say, and the way i blush when people ask me about you.
Thank you for all incredible compassion you gave to me.
You are falling in love with my insecurities and my obsession with trying to figure out what everyone thinks of me. You are falling in love with my immaturity, my constant need to feel loved and appreciated, my overactive tear ducts, my internet obsession, my tendency to be too clingy. You are fall in love with my troubled past and my hopes and dreams, and how i'm hopeless romantic at heart. If you fall in love with me, you fall in love with my self-hate and all my imperfections and my perception that nobody could ever love me.
But you are also falling in love with the way my eyes will smile when i'm with you, the way i'll text you in the mornings just telling you i hope you have a great day. You are falling in love with the occasionally humorous and/or thought-provoking things i say, and the way i blush when people ask me about you.
Thank you for all incredible compassion you gave to me.
for you love
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